A man I dated a few years ago right after my divorce popped back into my life two days ago. I was over him and I moved on.
He is in love with a cute little red head in the Carolina’s. They have one of those sappy relationships where they have to post how much they LOVE each other at least 52 times a week.
Yes, I am still friends with him on Facebook, and I see his posts but we never talk. Okay, well, usually never, then this thing happened two days ago.
Let me start by saying, when we were together I used that naughty 4 letter L word and his response to me was always…… “I know.” That hurt and made me feel like I had no value and reinforced what I had been told by my ex…. no one would ever love me.
It was crushing my spirit, my soul, I am afraid to say that word to this day.
I respected his new relationship. The one where he uses the L word and I moved on. I was not contacting him in anyway.
It has been five years since we broke up. Yet every few months he pops up again. This time he was liking my photos on Facebook and even told me I was looking good.
Next thing I know we are talking and I am asking him to help me help my son with his math home work. WHAT AM I THINKING???? I am NOT that girl.
I am NOT the girl that gives a man the time of day when I know he is in a committed relationship. I am NOT the girl that suddenly needs help or to be rescued from anything let alone a freaking math problem. (But to be fair it was Algebra and I do suck at that)
So it turns out he moved in with “red” two weeks ago and things are not what he expected and it sounds like they fight a lot and are both very stubborn.
…. and there he is in my inbox.
No! I cannot fall for that again. I loved him. My children loved him. When he left we were all hurt and I won’t put myself or my kids through that again.
I will not compromise my character or my beliefs and chase him or allow myself to fall again only to be hurt.
I want to love again. I want to trust again, but I keep getting burned. I keep repeating bad habits. I keep letting the wrong people in because there is something familiar about them.
I deserve better.
I am not the woman who chases a man.
I am not a second choice.
I will be chosen and chosen first.