Why does he do this?

A man I dated a few years ago right after my divorce popped back into my life two days ago. I was over him and I moved on.

He is in love with a cute little red head in the Carolina’s. They have one of those sappy relationships where they have to post how much they LOVE each other at least 52 times a week.

Yes, I am still friends with him on Facebook, and I see his posts but we never talk. Okay, well, usually never, then this thing happened two days ago.

Let me start by saying, when we were together I used that naughty 4 letter L word and his response to me was always…… “I know.” That hurt and made me feel like I had no value and reinforced what I had been told by my ex…. no one would ever love me.

It was crushing my spirit, my soul, I am afraid to say that word to this day.

I respected his new relationship. The one where he uses the L word and I moved on. I was not contacting him in anyway.

It has been five years since we broke up. Yet every few months he pops up again. This time he was liking my photos on Facebook and even told me I was looking good.

Next thing I know we are talking and I am asking him to help me help my son with his math home work. WHAT AM I THINKING???? I am NOT that girl.

I am NOT the girl that gives a man the time of day when I know he is in a committed relationship. I am NOT the girl that suddenly needs help or to be rescued from anything let alone a freaking math problem. (But to be fair it was Algebra and I do suck at that)

So it turns out he moved in with “red” two weeks ago and things are not what he expected and it sounds like they fight a lot and are both very stubborn.

…. and there he is in my inbox.

No! I cannot fall for that again. I loved him. My children loved him. When he left we were all hurt and I won’t put myself or my kids through that again.

I will not compromise my character or my beliefs and chase him or allow myself to fall again only to be hurt.

I want to love again. I want to trust again, but I keep getting burned. I keep repeating bad habits. I keep letting the wrong people in because there is something familiar about them.

NO MORE

I deserve better.

I am not the woman who chases a man.

I am not a second choice.

I will be chosen and chosen first.

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Empath?

I am the type of person that cares too much, so much, that I always get hurt. When I love, I love completely, honestly, faithfully, loyally, I give everything. This could be to a family member, a romantic partner, or a friend. If someone in my life is hurting, I hurt too. I create strong bonds emotionally with those I allow to become close to me, and I can feel their joy as much as their sadness.

I tend to mirror others emotional states. If I am near someone who is depressed, I soak it up like a sponge while trying to cheer them. They walk away feeling slightly better, but I am drained, tired, and hurting.

The past few days I have felt like I was spiraling. I was sinking further and further down. I had to step away and outside of myself to look at what was bringing me down.

Were the stars not aligned right? Was something in retrograde? Hahaha

My life has ups and downs, but at the moment it is kind of okay. So why was I getting so depressed?

Then it dawned on me. I am mirroring the emotions of friends that are going through some pretty rough times.

I am an empath.

With the blessing of a friend I would like to share with you something that she went through recently that I believe effected me profoundly.

Her husband had been ill for sometime. She was preparing for the worse. She knew he did not have much time left. She knew what was coming, and when he passed, she was prepared. She handled the notifications. She had the funeral pre-planned and prepaid for. She handled the out of town guests. She held her head high and not once did she cry. She stayed strong for her children and grandchildren. She stayed strong for her friends, and when they left, she still did not cry. It was about a week after they left that she needed to fill her gas tank. She drove to the gas station and got out of the car and began bawling. She didn’t know how to fill her gas tank. She was married for 42 years and not once did she ever have to fill her gas tank. Her husband never wanted her to get her pretty hands dirty and even when he was sick he would drive to the gas station twice a week after supper to top her tank off.

When she told me this story I took her hands in mine and held them, looked her in the eyes and said, “You are the luckiest woman in the world, to have had a love like that. You have been so blessed. I am jealous. I could never imagine being loved like that.” She smiled and we hugged. Yes, we hugged and I held her hands during Corona, but we both needed that connection. She thanked me and told me I had helped.

I smiled as she walked away looking a little taller, but I felt something sink in me. Weird right?

I do not want to change who I am. I don’t want to not be there for others. I don’t want to isolate away to save myself, but I have to learn how to not absorb others emotions.

Whether it is anger, sadness, joy… I need to learn to place some distance between myself and the emotion. (Not the person) Are there any other empaths out there that may have some suggestions or advice for me? Leave them in the comments 🙂 Thanks!

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Dating someone with a different political stance

I was going through ideas and questions here and in my inbox on what my next blog would be about. A gentleman who had asked me out for drinks recently was upset when he found out that our differences in political opinions would result in me saying, “I’ll pass.” This question was submitted by him. “Why would you let political views get in the way with dating someone? Why does everything with you have to be political?”

Side note first: I do not drink alcohol often. At one time I did, but now I hardly ever drink due to a blood clotting disorder I have. My dating profile states that I do not drink at all. Why do guys keep asking me out for drinks? Do they even read the profile? Guys up you game…. how about a walk on the beach? Ice Cream? A walk at the park?

Ok… mini rant over….

My guess is most people are attracted to appearances. Does he or she have a smoking hot body? Great hair? Sexy eyes? etc…. I am not

I have a friend who is attracted to intelligence. She does not care if her partner is male or female, she does not care about their size, shape, skin color etc.. I know there is a name for that, but it slips me at the moment.

I have no idea if there is a name for what I am attracted to. If you look at my recent dating (wait I have not even gone out on a date in about a year) but if we look at at the people I dated over the last six years you will find most are average guys, overweight, balding, bald, some had facial hair, some didn’t. It didn’t matter what their racial background was. One was 6’5; one was 5’5. Looks do not mean anything to me. Physical appearance meh…..

What I look for is very specific. I am seeking a man who is compassionate, caring, giving of himself to the greater good of the world around him. I want someone who is outspoken and passionate. I want to find someone who would like to volunteer at a soup kitchen or food pantry with me. I would like to find a man who can laugh at the world around him and still stand tall in his convictions and beliefs for a better world. I want a man who will fight to make a better world and stand side by side with me in doing so.

When I see that an individual is a Trump Supporter or Republican with plans on voting for Trump. I see a closed minded, narcissistic individual. I see a person that is okay with children being torn from their mothers and placed in cages. I see a person who is okay with the poor going hungry or becoming homeless. I see an individual who believes his or her right to not wear a mask is more important than my right or your right to survive. I see a man who believes white men can stand armed with guns in a state capital with no repercussions, but God forbid an unarmed grandma defend her land in protest to preserve her rights to clean water, deploy the military and launch tear gas and rubber bullets at her. I see a man who supports a secret army of police snatching people off the streets. I see a person who is okay with money being funneled to big corporations; while leaving the poor to fight for scraps and work as slave labor at below living wages.

I see a man who believes his rights surpass the rights of minority’s and women. I see a man who is narcissistic. I do not want that. I never will want that, and I refuse to ever settle.

Why does everything have to be political with me he asked. It is not political. It is personal. What I am seeking is not what the Republican stands for. Why would a republican want to even date me if he knows me convictions? Most likely because he never actually read my dating profile in the first place. 🙂

Who Am I?

Up above it says my name is Mercedes Montgomery. That name is my pen name, it was the name I used in radio, and it was the name I used when I co-wrote and sang a funny country song many years back that got some airplay. The song was called Beer Drinking Slob. Anyone remember that? Ha! I didn’t think so, and if you do… I am sorry.

Beer Drinking Slob was not the first song I ever did. Back in 1989 I had a song that was co-written and produced by the amazing writing / producing team of Nick Terzi and Mike Rega. I sang under the name Sinamen. Pronounced like the spice but spelled Sin Amen. Ha! The song was called Angel of Desire. It was hot and very sexy! I think I was back then too, but honestly I am not quite sure.

Why do I keep changing my name and who the hell am I?

I was born Eileen Daley. Yup…..

You read that correctly….

I LEAN DAILY

At least I wasn’t I Lean Dover? …. Hmmmm

That name might have worked instead of Sinamen.

I was born in Philadelphia, PA. I grew up in the Philadelphia area and the Chicago area. As an adult I bounced around between New Jersey, Florida, and Tennessee. My life has had lots of ups and downs. I am pretty much an open book, and I do not keep many secrets.

One of the things that I am going to ask my readers is to ask me questions. I want to be challenged. I want to have to think. I want my readers to also suggest topics they woud like me to blog on.

In the past I blogged on things that were very serious and I do not mind talking about them because I truly believe they are important. I wrote about being homeless, being a runaway, living on the streets and trying to survive, and doing whatever it took to survive. I wrote about abuse that I experienced. I wrote about attempting suicide. I wrote about being raped. My life hasn’t been easy. I made bad decisions and over time I have come to terms with those decisions. Many of them were made just to survive one more day or one more night.

People have used me and people have abused me, but I am not angry anymore. I realize I have grown from every experience. I would not be the woman I am today with out them. People who know me would describe me as strong, resilient, and confident. I believe I am just that. I am also a tad outspoken, and I have been known to use colorful language.

Fun facts about me:

I was nominated many years ago to run for Congress, but I declined.

I once weighed 435 pounds!!!! What???? Yes…. I allowed myself to get that big, and no I am not there anymore.

I love to write and I have published six novels!

I am a homeschool mom.

I have 5 children. The three oldest are on their own. My two youngest still at home are 16 and 12, both boys.

I work full time as a personel shopper and clothing specialist. I have gotten to dress some pretty amazing people!

I have a cat named Munchie. He is a bit of a stoner when it comes to the nip and likes to steal junk food. Doritoes are his favorite.

My dog is Ted E Bear. He looks a bit like a spotted polar bear. His mom was a Border Collie and his dad a Great Pyrenese.

So now I need your help… What would you like me to blog about? You can ask me a question or give me a topic. It will be fun! You can ask in the comment section or email me directly at author.mercedesmontgomery@gmail.com